I'm typing with only one hand as I've finally gotten my child to fall asleep in thr - drats - the side-stomach position, cradled in the other hand, so my kyboard output is by needs sloe and error-ridden. But what an amazing feeling, realizing that I have the ability to calm my baby from a crying fit, even though I don't have breasts!
Okay, that probably takes a little 'splainin'. Numbder one: a pleasing part of video gaming is the ability to improve and progress through the game, i.e. leveling up. When you reach a new milestone in the game your character makes a quantized leap a level with the resulting flood of smug, self-satisfied endorphins.
That doesn't explain the breastlessness comment though, so stick with me here. Okay, as a dude I often wonder if the baby's crying because she's hungry (after all, that's what I do when my belly's empty), and to my longsuffering wife's distress I'm constantly asking if it's time to feed the child yet, especially if she's crying, because so often, magically, she'll quiet right down with milk. So it's especially satisfying to be able to get the baby to stop crying on my own, without resorting to the assumption that she must be hungry (even though, come to think of it, maybe that's why I'm feeling cranky right now).
So just now, while I was glorying in the discovery that Call of Duty: Black Ops is in high-definition 3D, when the baby started wailing, I began to sweat a little, she didn't want the Ergo carrier, she didn't want the swaddle, but come on, yo, I got this! And by doing a combo move of a swaddle, exercise ball bounce, shushing, and pacifier I found myself now on the exercise ball, left arm going numb while I type with my right hand, slight sheen of sweat everywhere, but that's right, bitches, who's your daddy now, or at least the father of the little floppy angel in my right hand, and come to think of it, it's the same person who was her daddy nine months ago, i.e. me.
Leveled up, though! Still no breasts....
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