LADIES FROM GENTLEMEN

In college I learned that the title "gentlemen" (in England, from whence the term came) only applied to a) landowners, and/or 3) college graduates.  Being an undergraduate at the time, I was neither a landowner nor was I, by definition, a college graduate, and every single final exam period I would sweat over whether or not I'd ever become a true gentlemen.

Of course, when we now speak of what a gentleman is we typically think of all the social niceties that men purportedly no longer adhere to (like dangling participles which, as it turns out, aren't incorrect at all), things like holding doors open, allowing other people priority ("you snooze, you lose" is one of the most grating expressions of self-justification I hear on the street) (to which I take it daily, i.e. to the streets), telling others it's a pleasure to meet them whether it is or isn't, etc.  But these manners, and other qualities that make one a gentleman, were ones with which I am pretty familiar, which is to say that I'm pretty sure that I could teach a boy to be a gentleman, especially because any child of mine is getting its ass into college, getting a job, and moving the hell out once they're of adult age, i.e. 18.

The growing anxiety I now have is that I'm not sure how I'm supposed to teach my daughter how to be a lady.  Now, fo' sho, if we'da had a boy my wife would have had plenty of input into how he was to be a gentleman, and I'm certain it'll work vice versa, i.e. my wife will have tons to teach our daughter in terms of how to be a lady and I, as her father, will have lots to say from the dudespective.  But I'm also a bit worried that I'd end up teaching her a bunch of nonsense about being a lady that I, as a guy, will have stitched together from various Disney movies, My Fair Lady, Bronte sister novels, etc., that would in effect be this caricature of what it is to be a lady, i.e. the manners-version of a really bad tranny.

Now, of course, a lot of this anxiety is entirely misplaced, because, after all, plenty of same-sex parents raise perfectly well-mannered ladies and gentlemen;  I guess I'm more apprehensive about what I'm going to do to my child - which, I guess, means that none of y'all have anything to worry about since I'm not raising your spawn, but still, it certainly does make me think.

Funny thing is, there's so much else that's arguably a lot more important to take care of, participles that dangle aside.  F'rinstance, from the pediatrician's office and through the post we've now received several samples of infant formula.  Now, since we're breastfeeding (ha ha, "we're", meaning my poor wife, but it's kinda my habit to take credit for stuff, which I've gotta stop doing), formula isn't something we need so we'd planned on donating it to a local foodbank as this stuff's pretty damn expensive.

Which has gotten me thinking, there are parents (and children without parents) who need this super-pricey infant formula, upon which these little lives depend, and I can imagine the impoverished single mother only sparingly feeding her little one, trying to make a can of this expensive formula last as long as she can, and in the meanwhile, all I can think of is how I'm going to teach my daughter how to be a lady, as if knowing how to not smack her lips and slurp her tea is somehow making her a better human, when the truth of the matter is that remembering and caring for others is what's really important.

Hey, maybe I have this parenting thing dialed down after all...